Embrace, Change or Leave

Baked custard baked from scratch - yummo.

Ever heard people whinging and b*tching about their life, blaming everyone and everything for the way things are?  Hmmm, yep, we all know at least one person like that.
However, to be fair, we all probably have indulged in this type of behavior at some point in our lives be it briefly or longer.....maybe we still do in part?

Is there parts of our life that truly dissatisfy us?  Do we find ourselves  verbalising this in some way to others? Does it go around and around in our heads? Then it is time to stop.
Stop and do one of three things....embrace it, change it or leave.  The more we complain or cogitate about our situation the less likelihood there is of us actually taking action.

Coconut cream cakes - one for the freezer and one to eat now.

So, embrace it, change it or leave - let's look at each of these individually.
Each has merit, each has risk and each is very powerful if applied judiciously.

Pumpkin cupcakes
ready for Halloween


Just deciding to embrace our situation and flourish despite our situation can be surprisingly powerful. Intentionally bringing the best out in a situation - juicing the orange - playing to our strengths - leveraging the possibilities....teaches us to take control and create our own reality despite the odds.

This is especially true in situations where life deals us a difficult hand e.g. sick or disabled children, partners or indeed our own health issues. We can either be a sum of our pain, or, rise above it and embrace the situation and leverage it to experience a purposeful and meaningful life.

Conversely, embracing a life situation that is toxic, abusive or dangerous is a clear risk. Embracing such things is to be avoided at any cost.  Enter 'Change'

Two types of breakfast quiches.


If we are not prepared to embrace or leave a life situation then committing to changing our life situation is a powerful alternative. Many, indeed most life situations can be changed (despite what we convince ourselves of).  We can change our money situations, we can change our behaviours, we can change our relationships, we can learn new habits, we can change our beliefs, we can change religions, we can change our world view, we can change our friends, we can absolutely change most things in our life.

The risk is that change takes personal courage and commitment. We are often our own biggest hurdle in changing our own lives. Our beliefs about ourselves often are our biggest hindrance.

Conversely, trying to change a life situation that we should just simply walk away from is not a sound solution.  If we truly need to walk away....then simple do it.  This then brings us to 'Leave'.

Curried vegetables in coconut cream
with rice for supper


Sometimes we need to take a step back and have a cool look at our life situation. Sometimes the very wisest thing to do is just leave.  If it is toxic - leave.  If it is abusive - leave. If it is violating your core values - leave. If it is making you unrelentingly sad or frightened - leave.  If it simply is not working in any way, is not changeable, is not able to be embraced - leave.  Just leave.

The risk to leaving is that it does not always feel very good - there can be regrets, sadness, anger and a sense of defeat. Many folk stay in bad life situations instead of leaving as they cannot face the temporary emotional fall out of leaving.

Conversely, not leaving a bad life situation will ultimately make our lives a mockery, a pointless existence and strip us of any shred of self-worth.


Ultimately, whatever we do - never just do nothing.

Take care folks and stay nice.



  1. So true. There have been times when I have discovered that I am the millstone hanging around my own neck. Sometimes I have denied myself the worthwhile and meaningful things in life because I thought I needed to be more or reach a certain milestone.

  2. Powerful words indeed.
    There is a person in my life who needs to read this, (my mum) but even if she does, I still don't think it would be the catalyst for change. I can't give her the physical support she needs due to distance, but I've been there for her emotionally. Most times a listening sympathetic ear, but lately all I can give is exasperated lectures, all of it is draining me now too, although I feel ridiculous saying that when my feelings are a mere drop in the ocean compared to what she is putting up with.

    How to you get through to someone who's stubbornness, sense of duty and commitment to family is greater than their common sense?

    Oh...*light bulb moment*...after re reading what I just wrote it occurred to me, maybe I (in italics) have to Embrace it...Change it...or leave...

    I feel like I've just been to a counselling session, only somewhat public! But as they say when the pupil is ready the teacher will appear.

    Thank you Phil

    1. The answers are always within us Cheryl - talking them through like this often creates a portal for their manifestation.

  3. I think one of the best posts you have written Phil. Your writings are always thought provoking. They don't always have to be about frugality etc., and ones like this give a lot of us the much needed proverbial kick up the bum!

  4. Another wonderful post from you Mr HM. There's something in there for all of us. :)

  5. I love your blog and a lot of your posts make a lot of sense.

    BUT and trust me on this, the handicapped thing is not something you " embrace ". He is 25 now. Is his life good ? No. Have we tried EVERYTHING, schooling, therapies, medical intervention, why yes we have. Does it take a toll on the rest of the family IN SPITE of the fact that everyone adores him.

    Of course it does. please continue your fantastic posts about stuff you know about but DON;T post about things you know nothing about.

    His life is ruined. don#t pretend otherwise.

    And yeah, I volunteer, have run the disabled kids charity when he was a disabled kid, bust a gut in every way. I think you need to live this life befpre you make trite comments about it.


    1. Hi Rinty

      It is impossible for me to live everyone's exact life situation. In fairness however, you have no idea about my life situation, what I have lived through or what I live with, so I very, very respectfully disagree and will not be silenced by your demands for me to not write about things you assume I know nothing about.

    2. Your blog , your rules. I stand by my comments as someone who has lived,worked and volunteered with disability for over years.Theres not a lot of "embracing " going on amongst those who are really suffering...........


Post a comment