Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Core Values - My Story


We harvested our first three cauliflowers
yesterday. One has already been gifted.




FOR the best part of my life I lived by other's values, the values of institutions and values learned by friends and associates.  I never stopped to think if these values were my core values.  Admittedly, I had plenty of moments of blinding clarity but always promptly dismissed these moments as nonsense or heresy, dusted myself down and kept running hard up other people's mountains.


Unshrinking a wool jumper that 'somebody' accidentally put
into the dryer on a rainy day.  We are soaking in cool water with one
cup of hair conditioner. We will then rinse, stretch gently and
dry it in the shade.  Fingers crossed.


As life became incrementally more dissatisfying the more I found myself spending, eating, searching for answers, spending, eating, becoming depressed, eating, spending, trying new things, spending eating, becoming deeply anxious, spending eating ....did I mention spending and eating?  The net result was I became deeply sad (expertly covered by a cheery smile), deeply in consumer debt (covered up by a semblance of "livin' the dream") and obese (nothing could cover that one up!). Of course there was a myriad of other psychological, social and physical types of dis-ease that incrementally manifested over a life time of living a life utterly disconnected from my true core values.


Savoury mince on toast. The savoury
mince was in the freezer pre-prepared
so it was just a matter of reheating
and serving on toast.  Yum.


Quite a while back now (about 7 years) I stumbled over this article HERE.  It took a while, but eventually I  figured out what my core values were.  The result really surprised me.  After a life time of chasing the almighty dollar (unsuccessfully), chasing happiness, chasing religious knowledge, chasing friendships, chasing career (tried 4 different careers), chasing being influential, chasing lifestyles that others had and being utterly emotionally exhausted - this article turned a small light on for me.


Home made yoghurt.


I would have thought my core values would have included things like, power, influence, charisma, knowledge, leadership etc....all the things I used around a boardroom table or in an aspiring church leadership role.  However, the following are my 5 core values....so very different from what I was chasing.

  1. Peacefulness
  2. Having Enough
  3. Kindness
  4. Home
  5. Creativity

These core values had sat ignored, even disdained, for decades while I chased the opposite type of life.  No wonder I was failing, sad, anxious and empty.....my life was a sum of falsehoods fueled by smug consumerism and ego.


The $50 freezer that just goes and goes.
The blackboard door adds a little fun.


Suffice to say that today I am certainly no paragon of virtue....ha! - the scars (even open wounds), remaining responsibilities and edifices of my former life are still being deconstructed, healed, new thoughts are being born, new actions are slowly replacing old ones and although the transformation is certain, some days I get to thinking if I have not just wasted a goodly portion of my life ?!  But I guess a final 30 years of incrementally building a new life is not to be sneezed at.




I guess this is why I write here at Mr Home Maker.  If even one person is encouraged to examine their life and make incremental, sustainable and (even better) regenerative changes - then my imperfect ramblings have been worthwhile.


Take care folks and stay nice.

Mr HM

19 comments:

  1. I love the honesty in your writing. We are have our issues, the challenge is taking time to acknowledge what they are and how we can better our lives. It's never too late.

    A great post, MrHM.

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  2. Well done you. Core values are important to and often overlooked by us all; dial up the effort, dial down the intent. Often if we just dial up the intent, the effort dials down itself. Love the caulis by the way.

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  3. Thanks for the suggestion Mr HM, I obviously have work to do.

    Katie

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    Replies
    1. Honest reflection is a great place to start Katie.

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  4. Mr.HM, I think we become a little wiser when we get older as you have obviously become. I do hope that wool jumper turns out alright.

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    Replies
    1. Complete success with the jumper de-shrinking. Woot!

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  5. I appreciate your honesty and admire your core values. Sadly, many today forget that the most important things in life cost either little or nothing, yet they are the things that make us happy. You have a wonderful blog, thank you so much for sharing. Warm greetings from Montreal, Canada.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Linda. It is mid winter here in Australia but the greetings back to you are also warm.

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  6. I really enjoy your honesty and thought provoking writing. I do hope you are not too hard on yourself though.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Jamie - well, sometimes the truth can hurt a little.....so be it.

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  7. Brilliant post. It takes most of us a lifetime to acknowledge the where and why of our unhappiness. Even longer to do something about it. Consumerism and unrealistic expectations are causing great harm in our society and destroying families. Forever reaching for a dream that does not exist. Happiness comes from within, not from the next expensive purchase/better job/flashy car/ideals of others etc.

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  8. I think it was the lack of time I had, in my daytime and bring-it-all-home-with-me-too job, that eventually got to me. I felt a deep dissatisfaction with a job that no longer aligned to who I was or what I wanted to pass on. Now, I have that time to really think through things like what I truly believe in and how I want to live. That's brought me a lot of contentment and peace. Wise words like yours make us all think, as others' hindsight can and does provide food for thought that, while it may make us uncomfortable for a little (or a long) while, can also help us to change and to grow. Meg:)

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  9. I love your core values Phil however No1 is certainly the one I find leads into all the rest. John 14:27 is planted in my heart. The world does not offer peace. One needs to reach out, accept the gift, cherish it and hold onto it. Enjoyed your writings very much today.
    Blessings Gail.

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  10. great post Phil, love your core values, mine are similar but occassionally hard to practice

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    1. Meg, I think just knowing what they are makes life more directional and helps decision making. Without them we are blown about by every wind of suggestion or idea, for ever saying "yes" to everyone and everything.

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  11. Right there with ya. I grew up knowing I wanted to be a wife and mother. I never dreamed of career and big houses etc. However I also did not have the teachings or past down knowledge of how to go about doing the SAH life. I struggled alot of years until finally I figured out I needed to just do it my own way. I wish I had had the knowledge way back when cause I know things would have been alot different. Hindsight is 20/20.--Krystal(nova scotia)

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  12. Brilliant honest post, it's a path we have all followed, so have gone further and longer than most. Our commercial world has brain washed us, we in our heady haze follow the hype to the better promised life. Simplified is the best way, letting go of the things we have amassed, getting back to core values as you show in the above post is the true way to find happiness.

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  13. I really enjoy your honest writing Phil, both here and on the DTE forum. This is a great post.
    Loretta

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